Love

He knew it was wrong.

For her it didn’t even exist.

He knew it was forbidden for him.

She had no apprehension against it because she didn’t believe it.

He still gave it a try ... for pure fun, to enjoy company the way others did.

She gave it a try because she knew she wouldn’t be affected by it.

Both didn’t know it would become an addiction to them. They didn’t know they will become an addiction to each other.

They will fall for each other.

It had all started with a simple discussion over love. His response he wasn’t allowed it, so he never gave a thought to it. Her point was it’s pure physical attraction and nothing else.
Both were right.

He did whatever his parents expected. They wanted their sons to be doctor. His elder brother became an engineer, so it was up to him to be a doctor. So what if he didn’t like the field. His father had sacrificed his whole for them; couldn’t he do this much for them? His brother had married a north-eastern girl. Though his parents didn’t vocalise their resentment and grief, he understood. He had vowed not to go for love-marriage. So what if he hated arrange marriage. Couldn’t he do this much to make his parents happy?

She had no memory whatsoever of her father. There were few pictures, but she had kept them in a box, locked away. Her father had deserted her mother few years after their marriage. They had married against the wishes of their families. So, obviously, none came forward for Mom’s help. Her mother had a difficult time raising her daughter and running a household. All this because her mother was in love with her father. What a bullshit! For some odd reason her mother still didn’t hate her father, but there never went a day when she didn’t curse him for his cowardice.

So, obviously, they both were caught unaware with the feelings that started developing in their hearts for each other. They hadn’t expected it. This wasn’t what they were hoping for when they decided to rename their friendship to a relationship. A relationship of convenience. Just to have some fun, company and sex.

He was the first to realise and accept those feelings. But he knew she didn’t believe in love. He knew she would never accept. And even if she felt the same, there was nothing more to be done. He couldn’t marry her. So, he didn’t tell her. But from that moment on, he preserved the time he spent with her. He memorised every talk he had with her. He took care of her like none had taken of him. He was a support to her when she needed him.

But all good things come to an end. The end came with his engagement announcement. His parents had found a perfect bride for him. Their kundlis had matched and a mohurat had been drawn.

November 12.

He got the news on July 12.

She was shocked that he had given his consent to the marriage without even meeting the girl. His reasoning – what’s the point. Mom and Dad like her. Good enough. What will I look for in her anyway?

Soon after, he became a target of her jokes. His engagement was on September 26 and she made elaborate preparations for it. She selected his dress, got him a new hair-cut and even forced him to get a facial done. Isn’t that yuck? Well, it was ... for him.

Finally the engagement day arrived. She also came there and was instantly a part of the family. She helped them with preparations, attending the guests, tending to them. He often thought how good a daughter-in-law she will make to his mother. They were traitorous thoughts, but he couldn’t suppress them anymore, so he let them wander in his mind. He had come to a point where he could accept to himself that he loved her. Even if he couldn’t do anything about it, he loved her.

The engagement went well. She was among the teasers, teasing him about his to-be-bride. He was mesmerised with her laughs, smiles and winks. He always was, but now he knew he didn’t have much time and he wanted them to stick to his memory.

He went through the engagement and its rituals, but if someone had asked him how his fiancée looked like, he wouldn’t have been able to answer them.

But he realised one thing that day – he wanted to take a chance with her. He wanted to tell her at least that he loved her. She deserved that. He deserved that.

That was the first thing he did when they reached back.

She laughed it off and even teased him that how great it was to fall in love with someone else just after engagement. But, when he didn’t laugh along with her, she realised he wasn’t joking. He was serious.

He loved her.

Did she?

There was awkwardness between them after that. There were too many sorry’s and thank you’s in their conversations. Though he did miss the warmth they had, he didn’t repent telling her. Somewhere deep down he knew she loved him. He just wanted to hear it. That would be enough for him; to know that the girl he loved, loved him back.

She came to him one day demanding to talk. However he tried, he couldn’t stop his heart from racing. But all she said was that she didn’t like the awkwardness between them. She wanted things to go back to normal between them. She wanted them to be boyfriend-girlfriend like they were ... for the month they were left with.

He couldn’t refuse. He didn’t try. He hoped she would realise that she loved him, that she would accept she loved him, that she would tell him that she loved him.

They lived a month of lovers’ life even if they weren’t technically. Their relationship had a new passion ... something only a dying person can have in his remaining life. But then, wasn’t it the same? Their relationship would be dead soon, so they were living the life to the fullest.

They can still recount those 30 days to anyone who asked. No one knew of their relationship though. It was a secret which would be lost ... soon.

Finally only a week was left. He was to leave tomorrow. This time she hadn’t helped him with any shopping, hadn’t forced any haircut or a facial. Nothing. As if there wasn’t any marriage impending.

They made love that night, each of them for the last time in their life. Both knew it would just be sex from now on.

She informed him that night that she wouldn’t attend his marriage. That tonight is the last he would be seeing her.

He accepted it without a word. He wanted her to be there. He wanted her permission to marry his fiancée. It didn’t make any sense to him but he knew it was important for her to be there when he married his fiancée. Maybe he wanted her to share his pain. He hoped she would say something else ... what he wanted to hear, but that was the last talk they had...

There were too many rites and rituals to perform and he lost himself easily in them. She wasn’t in his mind during the day and he was too exhausted at night.

The D-day arrived. He was all ready in the clothes his parents had selected for him. He hadn’t bothered. Since that night, it was today only she had entered his mind. As he sat staring out of the window at the mandap, he could think of no one else than her. He wasn’t sure how will he go through all this without her. He closed his eyes, trying to picture her face and draw strength.

Tring-tring ... tring-tring ... tring-tring

Tiredly, he got up to receive the call.

“Hello!”

Silence

He knew who was on the line. They communicated in silence as the minutes passed.

She tried to give him the strength she knew he needed and she knew she couldn’t give him. She gave him the permission he wanted but wasn’t obliged to and she didn’t want to give.

“Hey, Mr. Groom, come, it’s mohurat now.” Someone was calling him.

He desperately clung to the phone, hoping she would finally say it.

She desperately tried to breathe out the words she had been holding back since a month.

His mother and cousins came into the room.

“Here he is! Talking on phone. Enough work, dear bro. It’s your marriage today.”

He knew he didn’t have much time.

She knew she didn’t have much time.

One of his cousins made a move to snatch the phone, but he ducked. He made a gesture to hold on for a second, something that annoyed his mom, but he needed to hear this. This was important. Somehow ...

She took a deep breath. She had to say this ... he deserved this ... she deserved this ...

“I love you.”

She said exactly at the moment his cousin snatched his phone away and his mother dragged him out of the room.

A lone tear found its way in their eyes, but they didn’t let it fall.

He had a marriage to endure.

She had a love to mourn.